Therapy for Relationship Issues
You may have reached this page because something in an important relationship has started to feel too heavy to carry on your own. This page is about therapy for relationship and attachment issues; whatever that relationship is and whatever has brought it to a head.
Perhaps it's about your partner, your parent, your child, a sibling, or a friend you've known for years. Something has shifted or it's been building quietly for a long time, and you're not sure how to find your way back to steady ground.
Or maybe this has come about due to a recent change in your relationship, or yours or your loved one’s role within it.
If you are experiencing challenges in an important relationship, you are in the right place.
I work with adults who wish to understand their attachment patterns & improve their relationships, rather than quietly let them fall into dismay.
What might be stirring up in your relationship
On the outside, you might look as though you're managing. Going to work, keeping up with everyone's needs, keeping the peace at family gatherings.
Privately, it can be a different story. You might be lying awake replaying an argument, wondering why the same pattern keeps showing up with different people or dreading a conversation you've been putting off for months. You might notice yourself needing constant reassurance from people close to you, pulling away just as someone starts to get close, or bracing for people to leave even when there's no sign that they will. You may be wondering whether love is enough to keep your relationship afloat or whether something needs to change before it’s too late.
There may be a specific circumstance that brought about problems: a breakup or divorce (or the threat of it), an increase in arguments, a long distance relationship, a falling out with someone close to you or a relationship that's simply become strained over time. It might be infidelity or another kind of betrayal, a dynamic that feels toxic no matter how hard you try to fix it, or needs (emotional or practical) that keep going unmet. And sometimes it's less about one relationship and more about a pattern you recognise across several; a pattern that often traces back to what felt safe or unsafe in your early relationships.
Or you may wish to figure out how to fit into a new role; for example as you move into parenthood, or your parents grow older or your children grow up, and the relationship needs to find a new shape that nobody prepared you for.
You may want to explore whether you’ve made the right choices in regards to the people you associate with or the relationships you’ve been investing in.
You might be hoping to manage conflict without it spiralling, or to say what you actually mean without it getting lost or twisted along the way. Perhaps you want to set a boundary that holds, without guilt swallowing you whole afterwards. You might find it hard to express your feelings or say ‘no’, even when something is not working out for you.
You might also be hoping to feel less anxious in relationships generally, to trust that someone close to you isn't about to leave, or to stop the push and pull between wanting closeness and finding it hard to let someone in.
It may be that a relationship has gotten too painful due to constant criticism, disagreements, frustration, threats and negativity. You might be finding yourself arguing over the smallest things or disagreeing about important matters; all while missing out on the positive experiences of feeling loved & supported that a close relationship is supposed to offer.
Whatever the reason that brought you here, you are longing for a relationship that feels safe, reciprocal and fulfilling, rather than something you have to manage, earn or constantly repair.
What you might be hoping for
Relationship issues are common and can significantly impact our wellbeing. After all, we humans are made to form bonds with others and we deeply care for & are affected by those we are close to.
Our relationships deserve care, thoughtfulness and effort - therapy can offer a safe space to consciously work on overcoming challenges, recognise our attachment patterns and help our relationships flourish.
Who can benefit from therapy for relationship and attachment issues?
People struggle with relationships for all kinds of reasons and some patterns are harder to shift than others, especially ones rooted in attachment. A therapeutic space to work through how we relate to others can be useful for all. But it becomes particularly important for those who experience challenging dynamics within relationships, significant changes in roles or the status quo, unfulfilling relationships or a surge of negative experiences that have a lasting impact on how you view yourself, your loved one, and the future of your relationship.
This isn't about arriving with the perfect explanation for why things are the way they are or the perfect plan for how you want them to be. This is about taking action to make things better when there is a nagging feeling that something is not quite right.
How can therapy for relationship and attachment issues help?
Therapy starts with what's live for you now, the relationship that's brought you here and what’s become hard to carry alone. From there, it can help you notice patterns that repeat across relationships, understand where they first took root, and work out what's genuinely yours to carry and what belongs to someone else. Through this process, it can help you reconsider your choices or make more conscious ones moving forward. You may also benefit from developing skills in communicating more effectively, coping with situations when emotions run high, managing conflict or setting your own boundaries whilst still respecting the other person’s. Therapy can also support you to navigate a change in circumstances that may have affected your relationships, such as a move, a baby, a health issue or stepping into a caring role for a loved one.
What is the link between relationship issues, attachment patterns and relational trauma?
Everyone faces relationship issues at some point, whether that’s within their family of origin, romantic relationships, friendships or own parenting role. Most relationship and attachment issues can be worked through in the way described on this page.
But if your early experiences involved neglect, abuse, control, unpredictable or critical caregiving, your relational and emotional challenges are likely affecting most of your relationships, are more complex, more impactful and long-lasting. Therefore, a specialist trauma-focused approach is needed to help you safely explore and process what has happened to you, how it has shaped the way you see yourself & the world, and how it is still affecting you now. If that sounds closer to your experience, you may find the relational trauma page on this site more directly relevant to where you're starting from.
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