Therapy for Relational Trauma
It might seem easy for others but, for you, relationships have always felt like hard work. Finding a person who understands and cares for you has been difficult or even impossible.
You want to feel close to others; yet, whenever you try, you end up feeling hurt, misunderstood, exposed or let down.
Or you feel as though people always ask too much of you, without giving enough back. They might expect you to always be caring, patient and understanding, to be the perfect partner/friend/child/sibling/parent there is.
But they never do the same for you.
If you’ve experienced relational trauma, you are in the right place.
I work with adults who are tired of carrying the weight of painful relationships on their own. Every single day. Often for years.
This is for you if you’ve found relationships hard as a child.
As a child, you might have experienced one or more of the following:
You did not feel understood, supported or cared for by your parents.
You often felt dismissed, hurt, ‘too much’, misunderstood, let down, or measured against impossible standards.
You were sometimes left alone to figure things out or care for yourself, or even care for your siblings.
You felt like you had to take care of your parents’ emotional needs or be the “responsible one” as a child.
Your parents made you feel like a burden or that you wouldn’t amount to anything; they were harsh, critical, uninterested, called you names, put you down.
Maybe your parents were not available; either because they weren’t around a lot of the time, or because they were too busy to attend to your needs.
Or the opposite. Your parents were constantly on your case, wanted you to be exactly the child they dreamed of, leaving you no room to breathe.
You felt like you had to be the perfect child; to keep quiet, not cause any trouble and make yourself small in order to feel loved.
You felt like you could never please your parents; no matter how hard you tried or how much you achieved.
You felt that your needs, views and preferences weren’t important.
Your parents’ love and respect had to be earned and, somehow, you always fell short in meeting their standards.
You grew up in a home where conflict, fighting or violence among family members felt normal or unavoidable.
As an adult, you might experience one or more of the following:
You crave intimacy and authentic connection but it’s been really hard to find these qualities.
You don’t receive enough support, care and understanding through your relationships.
You are often made to feel like you are “too much” or “not enough”.
You associate yourself with people who criticise, belittle, shame or treat you disrespectfully, hoping that one day they will change.
You feel like you constantly get involved with people who are unavailable, unreliable, unpredictable or cannot consistently meet your needs.
You are afraid that people will abandon or reject you, so you keep them at arm’s length and don’t let them see the “real you”.
Or the opposite, you anxiously share too much too soon, in order to try and build a connection.
You are constantly concerned about other people’s emotional needs, take responsibility for how they feel and walk on eggshells because you never know how they will react.
You’ve discovered that someone you deeply trusted lied to you, betrayed you or kept important secrets.
You’ve been through controlling relationships where someone made decisions for you, guilt you into doing things, blamed, isolated or gaslit you.
You find it difficult to recognise red flags and tend to stay in relationships that don’t seem to go anywhere.
Or the opposite, you move from one relationship to another, never really connecting with anyone on a deeper level.
And somehow, through all of this, you’ve lost sight of who you truly are; your worth, values, hopes, dreams, needs, preferences; and what you actually need from your relationships.
And this is for you if you still find relationships hard as an adult.
Trauma can be about something that happened but shouldn’t have, or something that did not happen but should have.
Because relational trauma is caused by relationships, healing usually happens through relationships too - especially the safe, consistent, supportive relationship between a client and a therapist.
How can therapy for relational trauma therapy help?
Therapy for relational trauma focuses on understanding how past experiences, childhood trauma and attachment wounds shape the way you relate to yourself and others today. Relational trauma can develop when important relationships have left you feeling unsafe, unseen, misunderstood, rejected, controlled or responsible for other people’s needs. Over time, these experiences can shape the way you see yourself, what you expect from others and the patterns you fall into.
Together, we can explore the relationship patterns you’ve developed, understand where they come from, and begin to heal the wounds that may be keeping you stuck in painful or unfulfilling relationships. Therapy can help you reconnect with your needs, values and sense of identity, while developing a stronger understanding of what you need to feel safe, respected and connected in relationships.
Healing from relational trauma doesn’t mean changing who you are. It means having the space and support to understand what happened to you, develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself and learn new ways of connecting with others.
What happens in relational trauma therapy sessions?
Relational trauma therapy sessions offer a safe, supportive and non-judgemental space to explore the experiences that may have shaped the way you relate to yourself and others. Together, we can look at your experiences of relationships, including what happened in your childhood and how these experiences may still affect you today. We might explore your emotional responses, needs, boundaries and attachment patterns, as well as what happens for you when you feel hurt, rejected, abandoned or unsafe.
Therapy is collaborative and paced around you. There is no pressure to talk about anything before you feel ready and we can work together to understand what feels most important for you at each stage of therapy. Over time, you may begin to develop a clearer understanding of yourself and your relationships, recognise patterns that are no longer serving you, and find new ways of responding to difficult situations. Therapy can also help you reconnect with your needs, strengthen your sense of self, develop healthier boundaries and build more secure and fulfilling relationships.
At the heart of relational trauma therapy is the therapeutic relationship itself: having a consistent, supportive and respectful relationship where you can feel heard, understood and accepted for who you are.
How can healing from relational trauma feel like?
Healing from relational trauma is not always a straightforward or predictable process. It can involve both difficult and hopeful moments as you begin to understand yourself and your relationships in new ways. You might gradually notice that:
You understand your relationship patterns and emotional reactions more clearly.
You become more aware of your needs, feelings, values and boundaries.
You find it easier to recognise what feels safe and what doesn’t.
You become more able to say no, express your needs and communicate how you feel.
You are less likely to blame yourself for other people’s behaviour or take responsibility for their emotions.
You feel more comfortable being yourself in relationships, without constantly worrying about being rejected or abandoned.
You begin to choose relationships that feel more mutual, respectful and emotionally safe.
You develop a stronger sense of who you are and what you want from your life and relationships.
Healing doesn't mean that relationships will never feel difficult again. It means becoming more able to navigate relationships without losing yourself in the process.
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